20 years ago today

[Janey]

u-dog wrote: Connections created a sense of romance between individuals
that was inappropriate.  Individuals forsook their sacred marriage committments
for the sake of new and exciting romances. Connections largely failed us.  It promised
us great heavenly rewards.  We reaped family devastation. u-dog
===================================================


This was what I thought too... I could see it happening, esp when the 'couples dancing' began... Maybe because I was older than most at the time... It was my opinion even
back then, that people were at best 'falling in love' with their connections, and at worst,
experiencing just plain old unadorned 'lust'.

We knew that it was wrong for married people to be spending much, if not most of their time with someone who wasn't their spouse, but if just 'felt so good' and the leadership not only OK'd it, but made it sound like you might not 'be in the bride' if you didn't experience connections, and encouraged 'megas... E250 almost became like some special social club, that only the in itiated could enter into, eh?

So where did they think thatwas going to lead??? Divorce was so predictable... Anyone
from out in the world could have seen what the result would be...  Just my own opinion.

Janey
 

[Mark E. Dial]

It was also my opinion after I walked out in Dec. 1981 before all that happened. In general most of that body were of younger age and had a weakness for lust. i knew Don was not going to be restrained from his evil desires and progressive changes were in the making as God showed me about 1975. I got a letter that I still have on file a few months after I walked out as my offering fell below $360 or something like that. That I had to go in and explain my situation. At this time they changed their teaching on demonic spirits in Christians and I agreed with that. However as expected it was used like a political tool exploited then became delusional. That was no surprise to me  after being there since Sept. 1971.

When I read of these depraved events after I left it blows my mind that it was once so legalistic that it would never put up with these practices in a right mind.That people that had been there as long as I did even let such events happen or did not just walk out as I did... I was also told the dancing shoes sold for $10. and my room mate joked he wanted a pair.

I will never forget Tod M. opinion of the chapel years before all this. He took all of his clothes off on a cold December walked outside in front of a girls dorm for all to watch and see then got in his car and drove around Sea Tac.  I was told after I walked out in 1981 of a person who took his Martin D28 and wrapped it around a tree after seeing some kind of vision of Don with his gray hair or to please Gordy.

[Mark E. Dial]

My feelings today are that I see many of the same teachings or practices coming out in the world that lead to or created the conditions that happened at the chapel. These stories come up on TV shows like Unsolved Mysteries or American Greed or in the Newspaper. More often or not about sex and/or money. A group called the end timers in lake city Florida. The pastor lives in a multimillion dollar home with his church near poverty pressed and pressured his church till they became paranoid, suicides, divorces, murders, abuses and all kinds of crazies then lawsuits. As I understand they go out shooting machine guns at night waiting for the fed to come and get them. The same old story God wants your all and some that is why I don't own this multimillion dollar home the church does and so it really should be with yours so to speak. In one case church members were placed in small shacks to work below min wage for the church. I say all this because churches are seeing offerings drop with so many people out of work and wages are not going up. Church loans are becoming harder to get as banks see churches now as bad press if they can not pay back their loans. Welcome to the rubber room.

       

[True Soldier]

Sorry Karen, but your summary adds nothing to my ability to move on with my life.  In fact, it actually has more of a tendency to put our eyes on the past rather than moving on with our future. 

I was not married at the Chapel, but I was there for a decade; which was long enough to see that many marriages failed through their own dysfunctions and connections happened when they were already compromised and many in such circumstances have come clean with me that the Chapel was not the root of what was wrong with their marriage. 

That marriages there were already on the rocks and failed during this trial at our church is not proof that connections is the reason they failed.  What is a truer understanding of most testimonies I've received after the Chapel fact is that many were in marriages that were deeply troubled because they were not seeking the help they needed when seeking help for marriages is difficult to begin with.  It is a common problem in Christianity that marriage problems are looked down on and many in such troubles refrain from seeking help because of the stigma which results from the overall inability of the body of Christ to deal with such hard trials.  This lack of being able to help our faults is the first line of attack the enemy has to destroy marriages and only true revelation in the body of Christ will overcome this deficite that leaves marriages vulnerable to not be strengthened in time of need. 

This is a problem that is typical in all churches, not just the Chapel.  If that is not the case with you, so be it; but it is the case with many of the saints I knew at the Chapel, as that was their testimony to me.  Have you never heard that the rate of divorce among Christians as a whole is almost just as high as among unbelievers?  I have heard this over and over again on Christian radio and have witnessed the same thing among the saints I know that never set foot in the Chapel. 

The need in the body of Christ for wise marriage counseling is overwhelming and long overdue, so it is no surprise that the Chapel was not spared when the occasion arose.

[True Soldier]

Oops!  I am sorry for the mistake.  I was not trying to quote "karenjs", rather I was trying to say that "Helen's" remarks were very balanced concerning the issue of marriage at the chapel, and in the world at large, christian or otherwise.  I became "born-again", was water baptized and filled with the Holy Spirit at CCBTC in April of 1986.  At the time, I was unmarried, but I do recall the strong teaching we were given concerning marriage and connections and the difference between the two.  I agree with Helen that it was not connections which caused the marriage problems, nor was it connections, rather it was weak people (we are all weak in our own areas), not obeying the Scriptural teachings that caused the problems.  Since the "split", I have attended (and still attend) the Church of Agape), and God is continuing the work He began at the chapel.  This continues to be a good church with strong Biblical teaching and a congregation who love God and each other fervently!  We are still (like all assemblies), growing and maturing in God's grace until we all come to the fulness of the stature of Christ and we are endeavoring to keep the unity of the Spirit until we all come into the unity of the faith!

[Underdog]

Hello True Soldier,

Glad you're chiming in. 

Let me add one thing.  Connections contributed hugely to the divorce rate at Chapel.   For instance, what other sound Bible based church do you know that teaches married people to date their "connections".

Yeah, people are weak.  That is why married people don't generally date -- not if they want their marriage to survive.

Also, with such stellar examples and teachings from our leaders who claimed to have the "best" marriages, why is it that there were so many marriage problems in that church?   And, why did all those weepy women who constantly testified in their high, squeaky voices about "my wonderful husband" end up divorcing and marrying their connections?

It is not accurate to try and paint the Chapel as just an ordinary church with, with a normal divorce rate.  Connections contributed to the mess, and we should be honest about it.

Thanks for listening.

Underdog




 

[Helen]

When I read your comments True Soldier, of course you understood my point regarding the underlying fault in many of the marriages at the Chapel; but that could never eleviate the truth that temptation should be seen for what it is.  Chapel prided itself on its marriages because of its previously low divorce rate; but we were a pot about to boil and the whistle starting to blow was not heeded.

At the Chapel, people learned to squelch their problems in marriage and I have become convinced it was out of peer pressure to have what appeared as godly marriages.  All of us have difficulties in all kinds of areas of our life, where we believe we must hold onto God and hope for the best.  At times; this is all that can be said, but there MUST BE a support system; a concerted effort, that girded those who were in times of vulnerability, bearing one another’s burdens in a way that gave daily direction like a lighthouse in the fog; but our church failed because we were too were busy seeking our next spiritual high.

Staying together just to prevent a divorce; is vain and that was the point a lot of marriages were at and the love between husbands and wives was not to be found.  Speaking as a single person during those years; connections brought me into the front row seat of what was a very rude awakening.  

Connections was an exposé, a huge temptation that creepily reminds me of an hour we are hoping to be kept from in prophecy regarding end times events; which we are looking to be spared from.  My comments were in light of a very few young or strong marriages at the Chapel that recognized connections for what they were and having fought the good fight for their marriages; preserved them with the truth.  How could their overcoming temptation make temptation anything other than what it is; an invitation to do wrong?

Delineating temptation and the sin that ensues as two separate issues WAS the point of my comments above.  Make no mistake, the Chapel Connection teaching was not of God.  Chapel got up to speed on the divorce rate among Christians in one fell swoop.

To say that the people were not obeying the scriptural teaching was the problem and not consider that Don and the elders were teaching that we were biblically wrong to be jealous of our mates being physically and soulically intimate with others, is a very specific problem that lay with those who were supposed to be teaching and leading by example; because they referenced the scripture to obey those who have the rule over them as their endorsement.    

We had inadequate teaching regarding marriage for years at the Chapel and especially during connections from those who were making up marriage rules as they went, under the influence of trying to participate in violating their own marriage and fooling others to think it was alright.  Scripture teaches us that we cannot take fire into our bosom and not be burned and how much more so, when a marriage is already faltering; should we not add the last straw to the camel’s back.  

Connections would have been nothing more than words in the wind if we were biblically correct enough to have recognized the devil in the mix and resisted him and obligingly he would have fled.  

[Underdog]

Helen,

Well said.

[Underdog]

As I was thinking about this topic, I also wanted to comment that I believe many of the Chapel teachings on marriage were not helpful.  They did not contribute towards building healthy individuals.

I can see why some people struggled under those principles and were probably ready for a release when connections became the outlet.

[candy]

Helen, as usual you are so articulate.  I really enjoyed reading your post on this.

And welcome True Soldier.

It does appear that our deck was stacked against the marriages at our church due to lack of support, wrong teaching etc.  I was also single and clueless.  I'm so sad about that.  I know I could have made more of a difference in the lives of my friends and their children.

An old chapel friend pointed another weakening influence that we had at that time.  She actually pointed this out in about 1987--but of course I couldnt see it. 

It was this--we were all intensely devoted to our church, and to our pastor.  In fact, this devotion and loyalty were misplaced and were severely out of proportion.  Because of this, it was hard for two people to be truly devoted to eachother.  The church and the pastor came first--not the mate.    This teaching was promoted so strongly at our church that I even found it hard to have a close friend in the way that I normally would have. 

How in the world could two struggling people fight for their bond of love, when there was a huge institution and a over-authoritarian man standing between them, demanding loyalty?

How could we keep our proper loyalty to our mates and children, when our loyalty was somewhere else?

I have learned from this (I hope).  One of my principles now is that spirituality starts and grows at home.  The center of my spiritual life is NOT my church.  It is my home.  My love and obedience to Christ come first---and I practice this all day and night at home.  My constant christian fellowship is with my family--my husband and children.  Our devotion to the scriptures, our life of prayer, our worship and obedience--these things are fueled at home in our private lives.

As I have practiced this I have come to believe that Christ actually is the head of the church.  He really is.   There is no other mediator between men and God.  We have to find our way to personal faith and submission to him.  No pastor, no church, no idea can be allowed to usurp that.   God has no grandchildren, no nephews or neices.  There are simply no coattails to hang on to as we approach God.   This is the down and dirty side of being a christian, and boy is it hard.

Hopefully, our church and it's leaders can be of secondary aid in strengthening our faith and obedience to Christ.  In addition, we will bring hope and strength to church with us.  But the larger church is intended to be secondary in influence. 

They strengthen us, and we strengthen them as we all devote our private lives to God and the scriptures.  I pray I will always continue to keep my loyalty first and foremost at home.  Then to the larger body of Christ.  And then to the world.

If we each had been doing this, things would have been different.  But then we all would have been challenging Don much more.  We wouldnt have stood for all the foolish and unscriptual leadership practices.  And we would have been protected from sin! 

How can a young man keep his way pure?  By keeping it according to thy word!!!!

[True Soldier]

Dear Helen,

Once again, I appreciate your perspective.  I do not agree though that the doctrine of connections is wrong, only the way it was handled.  As I said in my previous post, I continue to attend the Church of Agape, and I can tell you that God has not abandoned us, nor had He stopped working to complete the work that He began.  We still feel the Agape of God in our services, fellowships and even in our marriages, only this time, we are not jumping the guard-rails or the principles.  I'm sure that we have not yet been perfected in Agape, but this is our hope!  The last prayer of Jesus, while he was on the earth was, "Father that they may be one, even as we are one!"  This is what we want, spiritual oneness with God and Christ and with the body of Christ, and even more importantly, that Christ be formed within us, so that we can be like Him!

Every time God moves, the devil is there trying to hinder it, but that does not mean we throw "the baby out with the bathwate"r!  Instead, we need to learn from our mistakes and go on.  This is what we have done and are doing.

[candy]

I can tell you that God has not abandoned us, nor had He stopped working to complete the work that He began.

Yes, of course.  Isnt this the  most wonderful thing about him?  He will never forsake us nor will he stop working with us.  Again, I am sure of this because the scriptures declare it very plainly.  (I love the plain statements of scripture.) 

I am  glad for you that you continue to seek him and find him.  I will continue to pray for you and for all the rest of the body of Christ.

[lanny]

---I certainly agree with much that has been written by the last few posters. I do want to add a point. I do not think that Chapel marriages were worse than average. I think they were average for any group of people. Some were bad, some were boring, some were hot and so forth. Some people should have never gotten married but they did and they stuck it out. It is the same among Christians the world over except many do not stick it out.
---I actually commend our low divorce rate. Regardless of the circumstances in each individual case it showed a level of committment and a willingness to walk the narrow way rather than the easy way so common today. Marriages go through various stages. Some people get married for all the wrong reasons. Some people experience passion but they are like oil & water when it comes to their personalities, likes and dislikes. Some people can love each other but cannot live with each other.
---The point is that many Christian marriages could divorce if the parties are selfish, not committed, living for feelings rather than God, etc, etc. At CC we stayed married for better or worse. I think in 95% of cases that was the right thing to do. There are couples who have been married for 50 years who are very glad for their marriage but can look back on some rocky times. If they were just like many other non committed people they would have divorced also.
---I do believe our teaching on relationships was flawed. But the reality is that few churches teach anything at all. We require training before issuing a driver's license. But anyone can get a marriage license and most people have no idea on what makes a relationship work.
---The Chapel was strong on the dying to self message. That message can be the single most important teaching for married people. If people practiced putting others before themselves many marriage problems would disappear overnight.
Lanny

[Helen]

Remember, our church pioneered the “connection” movement and we learned by all of our mistakes that we were making up behavior according to our coined phrase “spiritual connections”.  To say that connections was right is to basically say that the Bible teaches it and I have a very big problem with such an ambiguous claim to biblical teaching if it is just man’s ideas of what the Bible teaches corralled under one name for convenience sake.  Because of the reprehensible way Don and our teachers taught the soulical mistakes to us as God’s truth, I tossed the nickname of connections without regret in the least.

If you believe in what the word “connections” stands for, then why continue to align yourself with such a reprehensible testimony?  Forsake the “doctrine of connections” and insist that Don teach you according to the “doctrine of the Bible”. 

I’m certain True Soldier that Don’s teaching on connections has evolved over the years and I have no idea as to what Don is teaching today about married people sharing intimacy with those outside their marriage and of any kind of rebuke being directed at spouses for being jealous; so maybe you can be more specific as to what married people are allowed to do regarding intimacy with those outside their marriage and what stance Don has now on jealousy in marriage.  I would be very interested on his take, in light of being single himself now because of connections.

Speaking to someone like me, that has purposely forsaken any kind of Chapel connection teaching, to say that temptation is not wrong is anti-biblical.  I have come to a clearer understanding of why Jesus taught us to pray “and lead us not into temptation”.  We are supposed to understand that to purposely put ourselves in the way of temptation to sin in the flesh is not only not wise to do, but in my eyes; actually mocks God.  Jesus said to watch and pray so that we will not fall into temptation and playing with fire is an intentional taking it into our bosom.  Consequently, the reprehensible outward testimony to a lost and dying world, much less other churches; was inexcusable and I wonder at holding a doctrine that seeks personal benefit at the price of others.  There is something to be said about the growth of COA in these last 20 years that should speak volumes and your testimony of it's growth would be appreciated.

[Steve Born]

Quote (Candy): ...we were all intensely devoted to our church, and to our pastor.  In fact, this devotion and loyalty were misplaced and were severely out of proportion...The center of my spiritual life is NOT my church.

Yes, of course - Don's teaching was as badly out of balance on what church should be as it was in everything else.  The more I reflect back on my experience under that teaching at the Chapel, the more I am convinced that that whole organization and its teaching were created to gratify the delusionary needs of a narcissist and had nothing to do with real church at all.  One of the tragedies of its rise and fall is that as a result it has isolated so many of its former members (both those who have rejected its teachings and those who have retained its teachings to one degree or another) from any meaningful membership in any church at all today.

I agree that church should not be the center of our lives in the sense that we give our devotion and loyalty to its maintenance as a organization, or even spend much time there outside of the times it assembles as a church for its preaching, worship, and prayers.  It should be the center of our lives only in the sense that it offers the means of grace, and that its body of teaching anchors us spiritually in the Word by directing us only to faith in the Biblical Christ and the Biblical gospel.  It keeps our minds out of the wasteland of private interpretation and keeps our life outside of church free of pietism and self-righteousness - that is, it should if it is truly offering the means of grace and preaching the gospel of God's grace in Christ. Trying to maintain Christian faith without membership in a church that's doing that will leave one vacuous, insecure, and unstable.

Or at least that's what I found in my own experience.